Now the serpent was more subtil than any beast of the field
which the LORD God had made. – Genesis 3:1

Introduction

For three of my four years as an early-morning seminary student within the Church Education System of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, I was taught at home by my mother. The arrangement was necessitated by the fact that we lived in a very small branch in Michigan, whose boundaries were far flung out. It was was also necessitated by the fact that my father was the sitting branch president during most of that time.  Since it took the members in our town 35 minutes to drive to the branch building in a neighboring county, the only option available for my instruction at that time was to be the solitary captive audience to the running monologue which was my mother.

execution

After my reinstatement into the Church, during the days when I was going through my divorce from my abuser, my children and I would carpool with my mother to Church meetings in Jonesville. She seemed to like to keep discussing my mistake. I don’t remember the exact details of our conversation, but I remember that in a spirit of self-defense, I was trying to explain things more clearly to her. How I had been groomed and entrapped, and how I really had tried to escape from Wes. My mother’s response, given in a strongly condemnatory tone, shocked me so severely that it took me many years to get over it’s sting. She quoted the catch-phrase from a seminary instructional video that she knew I had seen, for she had taught it to me herself. You knew what I was when you picked me up! She even asked me, her eyes still flashing angrily, “Did I not teach you these things?” In shame, I had to admit that she had. My contrite and sorrowful response seemed to satisfy her. But I did not know then what I know now.


[Video: The Test, “a dramatized excerpt of an address by Elder Robert B Harbertson, former member of the Second Quorum of the Seventy. It was given at the Priesthood Commemoration Fireside on May 7, 1989″]

My Wounded Query

Now, in April 2019, I ask my mother, my father and my Church and my Church leaders, did I really know what my abuser was when I picked him up?  Nobody had ever taught me that a priesthood leader might not be trustworthy. (I thought that the case of my own father was ‘just a blip’.) Nobody had ever taught me anything about domestic abuse or the red flags of predatory behavior such as grooming or gaslighting. Here my father was, a licensed mental health counselor who prided himself in his weekly newspaper column in the local paper, and yet he hadn’t bothered to teach me, his own child, any of the dangers that he surely knew of professionally?

execution

Who sends their adult daughter away to college with neither a car nor a driver’s license? Who sends their adult daughter away with the self-satisfaction that in protecting her from everything you didn’t approve of, including those required for normal adolescent development, she was basically a bubble-wrapped empty canvas, perfectly prepared for the first predator who came along? I had almost no experience in dating and absolutely none in how to navigate any real social settings with outside of the very controlled, patriarchal, false environments of church, school and part-time employment.

But you were good with that: my unmarried, uninsured status, along with my lack of a vehicle saved you money and maintained a great deal of your control over me. It kept me on campus, carrying 17 credits and working those two jobs which were necessary due to your total non-support. All’s well that ends well so long as you get your precious tax write-off, right?

All’s well that ends well for the little brat who took a mini-recording of the domestic abuse going on at home and exposed it to the stake presidency while one parent was a high councilman and the other an auxiliary leader… and they had the audacity to betray you by believing her.

Grooming & the LDS Church


[Video: Grooming & the Church – Lesson 1: “You can not tell the difference.”


[Video: Grooming & the Church – Lesson 2: The Stages of Grooming]


[Video: Grooming & the Church – Lesson 3: Institutional Facilitation]


[Video: Grooming & the Church – Recap]


[Video: Grooming & the Church – Lesson 4: A Tale of Two Kids]

Letter to the Stake President

Below is the text of a letter I sent to my former stake president 9 months ago in July 2018, only with names redacted. He has never responded. I never expected him to, for he is and always was a coward. I blame him most of all. While I certainly didn’t, President, you knew what he was when you picked him up.

“Dear President R___________,

shithead02
Stake President R

If I have identified you correctly, you are the man also known as ___________, who once presided over the _______________ Stake. I am one of the people whose life was touched by your ministry during that time. In 1992, you knew me as a YSA by the name of Katharine ______________. I have thought about writing you, off and on, throughout the years. What finally motivated me to actually do so was learning yesterday about the 2017 death of [my abuser’s first wife]. I have some questions to ask you, in the spirit of Matthew 18:15, to which I hope you will respond in written form.

1. Why, in November 1992, when I disclosed to you what was happening to me… when I was courageous enough to be the whistle-blower, did you counsel me to return to the [residence of my abuser and his wife]? After suffering in silence and fear, you were the very first person to whom I disclosed. I chose you because Bishop E_______ was out of town and I had no car. There were just [my abuser and/or his wife] as chauffeur. In that rare moment when I could flee away from his constant monitoring of me, even at Church, to your office, I grabbed the chance when I had it. I also chose to disclose to you because I thought you loved me and that you were trustworthy. I sincerely believed all the General Authorities teachings that my priesthood leaders would rescue and help me. But you completely and utterly let me down. I regret trusting you and following your advice. If I could do it over again, I would have gone to the police, not to the Church. Somebody there would have surely recognized the reality which you didn’t. I didn’t even know what was happening to me. It was overwhelming and confusing, embarrassing, baffling and overpowering… and your lack of discernment and courageous leadership only compounded them.

2. Why, with your direct knowledge of [my abuser’s] former disfellowship for an adultery which he’d hidden and delayed confessing for nearly 20 years, did you trust my soul to his word of honor that he would let things go no farther? He had already clearly proven to you what an expert liar and dissimulator he was. Or had he? Were you truly that deceived? Believing mercy should rob justice?

3. As a matter of fact, why wasn’t [my abuser] excommunicated for his sin with ____________? They were both temple endowed, temple married LDS. The D&C is very clear that excommunication is the penalty. Did you know that because he wasn’t excommunicated, [my abuser] believed, as he repeatedly told me, when I tried to persuade him to stop his advances, that he had a free pass to commit a serious sexual sin again.

4. I recall you stating that “we don’t want to raise her suspicions.” Why was shielding [my abuser’s wife] from knowledge of the truth of her husband’s predatory behavior upon their young house guest more important than protecting me from the threat of further harm by it? The threat I had just disclosed to you was overwhelming, confusing, and needed your help with?!

5. Why didn’t you recognize ANY of the classic signs of domestic abuse? That he was grooming me, stalking me, preying on me? That he was, in fact, a narcissist? That in trying to free myself but protect him, by coming to you, I was exhibiting all kinds of red flags, including Stockholm Syndrome?

6. Why was the situation not reported to any police authority for what it was? The sexual predation, harassment and stalking of a young woman by a man twice her age? An ecclesiastical authority figure, to boot? Why was it handled as a sin instead of as a crime?  [In Michigan this behavior by an ecclesiastical leader IS a crime, and must be reported within 2 years of the incident.] And why did it morph from focusing on his behavior to victim-blaming me?!

7. Why were the 3 of us, [my abuser, his wife] and myself, never gathered together with the stake presidency and the bishopric? There was NEVER a counseling with your counsels. Why not? Did you know that [my abuser] told me not to come to his stake disciplinary council and that others have since told me that at this council he laid all the blame on me? And apparently, you all knew me so little that you really believed I was a sex-crazed, homewrecking, malicious vixen?!

8. HOW could you have married us? HOW could you have stood there and done it, knowing it was bad, knowing it was wrong, with tears running down your cheeks? Did you know that I was sick, nauseus, knowing it was wrong too? BUT I HAD NOBODY LEFT! YOU ALL ABANDONED ME TO MY ABUSER! You never once tried to approach me privately. You gave me up for dead. Threw me away, good riddance, like garbage into the pit and left me, bloody, like Joseph was left for the Ishmaelites.

9. I followed Priesthood counsel – which began with yours – to never contact [my abuser’s wife] to try and reconcile. I deeply regret heeding it now. What shall I face when I pass through the veil? Your stupid council and my own fear and intimidation denied me closure with the person whom I most deeply offended.

You need not worry about me, at this point. The Lord fixed the utter mess that you and the __________ Stake priesthood leadership of that time made of my life. My membership was reinstated in [month, year], no thanks to your ministry, but to the compassion and care of his servant, [another bishop] . The Lord then led my husband and I to each other – the entire courtship occurred with God as our matchmaker. I was sealed to [full name of my husband] in the ___________  Temple on _____________ . Regardless of what you did and what you failed to do, my [daugher conceived in the first marriage] was sealed to [my husband] and I in [month, year] and is currently serving a full-time mission. We have had three children, born in the covenant.

We have also lost children, at least three, through conception difficulties and miscarriage, something my physicians attribute to the health consequences I have suffered from my contact with [my abuser] : his 7 years marital rape, the chlamydia he [or the doctor who medically assaulted me] gave me, the protracted divorce and custody battles, and the Hashimoto’s autoimmune disease. I have endured 24 years of trauma, tears, and stress chained to a captor from whom I trustingly came to you for help to escape. But there is no complete happy ending, not yet. I have utterly lost [my son] to [my abuser]. He seduced, groomed, and beguiled my son away from all family and Church support, just like he did with me, and lured my boy out of his home and away from his biological mother as soon as [my son] had legal choice, at age 14.

I had to relive that nightmare all over again, watching my son fall just as I had fell, to the same villain. Abraham was asked to sacrifice to God, but my test was having to sacrifice my son to a false priest, a Lucifer. Currently, my son has no belief in God, and hates the LDS Church so much he will be terminating his membership this year. Again, I partially blame you for his loss, because had your bishopric administered the Church Discipline which [my abuser] deserved when the ___________  affair was finally disclosed; had he been duly excommunicated, as he should have been, he never would have been in that bishopric, and the total destruction of my life, my reputation and, nearly, my faith, would never have happened. And what in the world was a man like that DOING serving in a BISHOPRIC with YOUR knowing stake president seal of approval, all while KNOWING his history?!

And so many of you brethren knew him for what he was, but not one of you frankly warned me, before or after I moved into the [home of my abuser and his wife], of what danger I was potentially stepping into. But plenty of my brethren in the __________ Stake were on hand and ready to line up as character witnesses for this evil man when I finally worked up the courage and got the Lord’s permission to go through the divorce that all of you told me not to pursue. “You’ve made your bed, now sleep in it.” Another lie.

Yes, I BLAME YOU. I blame Bishop E___________. I blame the MALE LDS counselor whose narrow and misogynistic opinion you both wanted to rely upon. Do I blame myself? Yes, but after a decade of LDS and non-LDS group and individual counseling, including AMAC and facilitating for the ARP program, I have finally accepted what my counselors have kept saying. I was a young 18, and already a survivor of verbal, physical, emotional, spiritual, psychological, ecclesiastical and sexual abuse at the hands of my parents and a survivor of medical assault by LDS doctor _______________. So much for spiritual discernment from my priesthood leaders. So much for your recognizing who the true victims and perpetrators were. My responsibility was like that of a pinecone caught in a whirlpool – about 2% – for falling into the rapids… for being as beguiled as our Mother Eve was, by a false counselor.

There is a reason Joseph Malins wrote that poem about the fence or the ambulance… and all of you _____________ Stake brethren totally failed to heed it’s warning when you exercised mercy when justice was due. I paid for it, when you overpunished me as if I were an endowed adulteress instead of a young, unendowed, abuse survivor pressured into committing fornication by a master manipulator. [His first wife] paid for it, TWICE. [His] third wife ____________  paid for it, as did her daughter whom he tried to molest while she was at work. So did my daughter _________, whom he introduced to porn when she was 12, in order to groom her for molestation too. So have all my children. So did [his] fourth wife, ___________, who called me in a panic two days after temple marrying him, knowing she’d made a mistake. So is [his] fifth wife, _________, with whom [my son has reported ] he has screaming and shouting matches almost daily. So do all the unknowing female patrons at the Mount Oquirrah LDS Temple who had this false priest as their veil worker. (Oopsie, did I touch that, honey?) Your job was to be the Bridgebuilder and protect the youth following behind in the darkness; give your lives to protect the sheep of your flock. But instead you believed and loved a liar and his lie (Ezekiel 34, D&C 76:103).

When the Joseph Bishop MTC sex abuse scandal broke out earlier this year, it triggered all my old feelings worse than they have been in decades. I am still an endowed member of the Church, but now feel so much pain attending Sabbath meetings that I have probably probably labeled less active at this point. I don’t care. “When with a wounded heart, anger or malice, I draw myself apart.,” I know I do not have a strong portion of the Spirit; that I should not teach or serve, and so, I do not attend. If I am outside of the prayer circle it is because there are too many villains still in it (D&C 112:25).

Please do not try to telephone me or video contact me. If you do have the courage to respond, let it be in writing. I guess I’m not as good as the Wizard of Oz’s Auntie Em, because for twenty-three years I’ve been dying to tell you what I thought of you and now, being a grown, adult woman near the same age that [my abuser] was when you protected him and spiritually slew me, I’m glad I’ve finally been able to say it.”

Then I signed my name.


[Video: Wizard Revealed from The Wizard of Oz.]

The Wizard of Kalamazoz

Oh no, Chuck, you’re a very bad wizard (as in, false high priest) and a very bad man. I refused to be suckered in again by listening to any more of your soothing or shaming yet universally self-serving pseudo-solutions anymore. You and your Church can take your HeartSell® and shove it up your ruby red.

I have come across a few memes in recent days which seem to tell the disturbingly same story of the modus operendi within the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints that is increasingly being told and retold in forums ranging from books like The Sins of Brother Curtis to news and social media coverage of McKenna Denson’s case against the former MTC president Joseph Bishop to websites like Protect LDS Children. What, exactly, do you do with snakes among the Mormons? Apparently, there’s an undisclosed policy that goes all the way to the top, that Mormon leaders protect and cherish snakes. Boys, you very clearly know what they are when you’re picking them up.

ya1
ya2

Abducted in Plain Sight

How about the Netflix documentary that has gone viral, Abducted In Plain Sight? It is only near the very end that we learn that Bob Berchthold had had disciplinary run-ins with LDS Church authorities many times before. You knew what he was when you picked him up, and yet you let him loose on Jan and other LDS little girls. I repeat this assertion to Jan’s parents, who shouldn’t have followed the pattern of Terah and sacrificed their own flesh and blood to their all-consuming idol of maintaining the facade of a perfectly upright and upstanding reputation within the LDS community. You knew what he was when you picked him up, and yet you kept picking him up and picking him up.


[Video: Trailer to the Netflix Documentary, Abducted In Plain Sight]

Squirrel in the Oaks

If a bear farts in the woods,
and nobody is there to hear it,
does it still smell?

Today is April 8, 2019. The Church of Jesus Christ just held it’s April sessions of General Conference over the weekend. My friend Sam Young blogged about an address which was given by Elder Dallin H Oaks. I will quote them both:

Wrote Sam, “At the men’s session of the April 2019 General Conference, apostle Dallin H. Oaks presented a parable that perfectly describes [the] course [of Protect LDS Children] over the past 2 years…  Thank you Elder Oaks for your validation.”

You can watch the entire address HERE but I will spare you that agony and just include the relative text below:

UPDATE 9/12/20: I was able to located a video clip of the relevant part of the address. In his pathetic attempt at and miserable failure of making a parable out of a squirrel version of George Floyd, Elder “Poison” Oaks puts his utter lack of emotional intelligence on display again. Two LDS audiences, the original at BYU and the second at Conference, are also indicted by their own actions, LOL, LOL, LOLand lack of them.


VIDEO CLIP: The Parable of the Squirrel by the Wizard of Oaks

‘Some decisions are choices between doing something and doing nothing.   I heard an example of this kind of choice at a stake conference in the United States many years ago.  The setting was a beautiful college campus.  A crowd of young students were seated on the grass.  The speaker who described the circumstance said they were watching a handsome tree squirrel with a large bushy tail playing around the base of a beautiful hardwood tree.  Sometimes it was on the ground.  Sometimes up and down and around the trunk. 

But why would that familiar sight attract a crowd of students? 

Stretched out prone on the grass nearby was an Irish Setter.  He was the object of the students’ interest and the squirrel was the object of his.  Each time the squirrel was momentarily out of sight circling the tree, the Setter would quietly creep forward a few inches and then resume his apparently indifferent posture.  This is what held the student’s interest.  Silent and immobile, their eyes were riveted on the event whose outcome was increasingly obvious. 

Finally, the Setter was close enough to bound at the squirrel and catch it in his mouth.  A gasp of horror arose and the crowd of students surged forward and wrested the little animal away from the dog.  But it was too late.  The squirrel was dead. (Audience laughs???) 

Anyone in that crowd could have warned the squirrel at any time by waving arms or by crying out, but none did.  They just watched while the inevitable outcome got closer and closer.  No one asked, where will this lead?  When the predictable occurred, all rushed to prevent the outcome.  But it was too late.   Tearful regret was all they could offer. 

That true story is a parable of sorts.  It applies to things we see in our own lives and in lives and circumstances around us.  As we see threats creeping up on things or persons we love, we have the choice of speaking or acting or remaining silent.  It is well to ask ourselves, where will this lead?  Where the consequences are immediate and serious, we cannot afford to do nothing.  We must sound the appropriate warnings or support appropriate preventative efforts while there is still time.’

If a squirrel screams in the woods…

What a wooden understanding for a so-called “parable” from the mighty Oaks. To which inanity I’ve gotta respond to Elder Oaks, the General Conference audience, the kids on the college campus and the dog, You knew what the danger to, and innocence of that squirrel was when you picked it up — too late — but you let it happen anyway.”

You failed the test. And then you laughed about it.

What? Do you think that in protecting sexual perpetrators you yourselves are righteous enough to handle the snakes?

Do you think that somehow, like Moses, you have sufficient power from the Divine to perform the miracle of turning the snake into a rod in your hand? Do you not remember that the magicians of Egypt were able to perform that trick, too?

dejapoo

Again, I ask you, prophet and his people, do y’all think that somehow, like Moses, you have sufficient power from the Divine to perform the miracle of turning the snake into a rod in your hand?

No, that old lying Serpent has ever remained a snake…. and do you know what I’m starting to think?

YOU knew what he was when you picked him up.

And that’s exactly why you did.

And

still

do. (Matthew 23:33)

Snake Power


VIDEO: Keep Your Eye On The Serpents

Is this what Mormons really mean when they sing hold to the rod? Just keep on holding to your worship of Mr. Wiggly, boys, and protect anybody else in the club who’s holding on, too. All will be well. You know it will be, because you completely and utterly run the show.

throne
Above: How Joseph Smith translated this image in Facsimile 2 of the Egyptian papyrus. It’s actually the Egyptian phallic god, Min, God of Sex, sitting on his throne with an apparently eternal erection.
patterns

Letter to the Bishop

Below is the text of a letter I sent to my former bishop in August 2018 with names redacted. He has never responded. I never expected him to. Bishop, you knew what he was when you picked him up and harbored him warmly.

“Sir:

shithead
Bishop E

If I am correct, I believe you are the man who was assigned Priesthood stewardship over the ______________ Ward of the ____________ Stake in the early 1990’s. I have recently learned of the death of [my abuser’s first wife]. Partly from my own fears but partly out of obedience to the command of you priesthood leaders, I never did approach her; never did try to reconcile or attempt any form of reparation, however insufficient. Now I regret, yet again, that I ever listened to your unwise council. She will undoubtedly be waiting for me soon after I pass through the veil, and I do not know if it will be possible for me to accomplish, in that disembodied state, what I could have, while we both were still in the flesh. But you are still alive, and there is some unfinished business.

I am writing to inform you of the great damage that your hate, hubris and unrighteous dominion caused in my life. Perhaps you don’t care. You certainly didn’t then. But, in the spirit of Matthew 18:15 and protectldschildren.org, I thought I would at least make the attempt.

I was the whistleblower, immediately disclosing to you my error in not returning immediately home to my own dorm room AND the behavior of ___________. Why didn’t you tell me to report the incident to ______ Campus Police as attempted rape? That is what it was. Yes, you believed me, but I did not escape the suspicion, blame and censure of his mother, his family and the entire ward when that information hit the ward gossip mill. Everybody was SO much more angry that he was delayed departure for his mission than they EVER were than that I had been sexually assaulted. Did this mean nothing? Did this prove nothing? Of my desire to tell the truth? To stay morally clean?! To repent when I was in error?

I was the whistleblower, again, while you were away for Thanksgiving. I had made a vow to myself to finally have the courage to tell somebody that weekend, because I was so scared that everything was careening out of control. [My abuser] had been getting nervous that I might tell, and monitored every move I made at church. I came to the stake center fully prepared and expecting to disclose to you, but you were not there. However, because [my abuser] was busy substituting for you, I was able to slip through the overflow of the chapel without him catching me and successfully disclose to President R_______. Did this mean nothing? Did this prove nothing? Of my desire to tell the truth? To stay morally clean? To repent when I felt I was in error?

There are only three possibilities. Either your sister is telling lies, or she is mad, or she is telling the truth. You know she doesn’t tell lies and it is obvious that she is not mad. For the moment then and unless any further evidence turns up, we must assume that she is telling the truth– Professor Kirk, from The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe by C.S. Lewis

So why did you:

* Blame, castigate and condemn me for disclosing to President R______ instead of you, as if it were deliberate?

* Furiously accuse me of lying about the former incident with _________? Basically of being a slut?

* Absolutely refuse to believe anything I tried to tell you about what was really happening? What [my abuser] was doing to me and pressuring me to do to him? Reject and scoff at my explanation of childhood replete with abuse, think nothing of my confusion? My “love” for but also my desperate attempt to stop this man 28 years my senior from making unwanted sexual advances? My shame and fear of [my abuser’s wife]?

* Utterly miss the boat and completely not recognize the situation for what it was: ecclesiastical abuse, sexual abuse, predatory practically pedophilic grooming, stalking and seduction?

* Never, EVER give me ANY credit for being the whistle blower but rather treat me as the most disgusting and vile nymphomaniac whore that had ever crawled out of a sewer?

* Say such horrible, cruel and shaming things to me? “You’re ruining my ward”, “You have an evil seed”, “It’s very clear to me that you are a deliberate, malicious homewrecker!”

* Treat me like the dregs of the earth; place your suitcase between yourself and me in the car? As if I’d spring over it like a sex-crazed vixen and ravenously attack your virtue too?

* Bring in that horrible, hostile MALE LDS Social Worker? Did you fail to use even a little logic? Here was a young, scared FEMALE woman who had just had the courage to disclose the sexual advances of your counselor in the bishopric, and it NEVER dawned on you that she might be SCARED of men? That she might PANIC and become hostile, in fearful self protection, in a ROOMFUL of men who basically screamed back every word in her face that she was a liar and not to be believed about anything she said? I had never been subjected to such shaming and contempt, not even by my parents.
How could you accept his insane conclusion that because my parents had served in prestigious church callings that there was no possible way that I could have come from a severely dysfunctional home?

* Trust the word of an already-proven liar and adulterer. I told you repeatedly to ask the __________ Stake Presidency, Presidents _________  and ________ among them, and that they would confirm my witness that YES, I DID come from an abusive LDS home. You never did confer with them, did you?

I have always wondered what [my abuser] told you. What exactly it was that you believed about me? Did he tell you I came on to him? He was a balding, fat, ugly, half-blind, awkward creep. Did you honestly believe that such a specimen as that was really the object of my gleefully nefarious designs? Did you take no account for the age difference? Did you never ever contemplate that [my abuser] might have been, in the style of Mary Howitt’s Spider and the Fly, beguiling, deceiving and ensnaring me? Why did you believe his word over mine? It was apparent, from the very beginning, that you did.

Most damaging of all, why did you teach me the FALSE DOCTRINE that if I had thought it, I had done it? That there was absolutely NO DIFFERENCE WHATSOEVER AT ALL in the eyes of the Lord? Those words crushed the very last shred of hope I had to extricate myself from the situation and redeem my soul from the suffocating abuse of that narcissist! Because I believed you, I went home and let [my abuser] take my virginity. I had still been fighting him off, every single day. I hate you most of all for that. It was not said in love, but in complete and utter damnation. Was I, a daughter of God, as dirty and worthless as that in your eyes? The answer would be yes. I felt it every moment of every second of every minute I had to spend with you after the [President] R______ disclosure. You were cruel and awful.

You and President R________ were total fools for telling me that I needed to stay in the [abuser’s] home. I would even call you criminally negligent, accessories to the crime, and enablers to the perpetrator. And I was an idiot for believing that any of your senseless counsel came from the Lord; and idiot for heeding it. If you had rescued me on that Thanksgiving weekend, or the week thereafter, by doing everything in your power to remove me from the [abuser’s] home, immediately, I would not have fallen. Period. It was getting out of control. I was scared. I told you both that! Did you think I didn’t mean it?! That was really what I had wanted, when I disclosed. What did you think it was for? To brag? To gloat? Who did you take me for?! WOULD YOU HAVE LEFT YOUR DAUGHTERS IN A SITUATION LIKE THAT? Insist that she remain living in imminent danger? Even my abusive parents recognized it for what it was, and it was they who finally helped me to get away, NINE LONG YEARS LATER. Yes, it took me THAT LONG to finally work up the courage again, after my failure with you, my rejection by you, to try and get away. It was for the love of my children, to protect them from that predator, that I tried, despite my shame and self-hatred and self-loathing. It was for them and in the enabling grace of Jesus Christ that I was really, finally able to get away from [my abuser] at last. Or so I thought. Lucifer, or his representative devils in the flesh, “shall have power to grasp thy heel”, and he did, every minute, until [my son] turned 18 this March. Yet you could have crushed his head and saved me.

Didn’t you have EYES? Couldn’t you SEE that I didn’t know how to say what was happening because I was so ashamed, confused, and afraid. Then everybody flew off the handle like shattered glass. It was like a nuclear bomb went off! And the very things happened which I had feared; which I had come to you, believing all the promises in General Conference from the Brethren, to prevent!

Why did nobody report this behavior to the police? Why did nobody recognize that I was the VICTIM, not the perpetrator? That this was a CRIME and not MY SIN? That I was being molested?!

You are the most heartless ecclesiastical worker that I have ever dealt with in my entire life. I hope someday, when God plays back the DVD of those horrible months of 1992-1994, that you will be given the opportunity to see, hear and feel what happened from my side of the desk, o ye Judge in Isreal! Because you never held an ounce of empathy toward me when it was your stewardship and duty.

I have had group non-LDS counseling, courtesy of my stay in a domestic violence shelter after fleeing from [my abuser] with the children when _____ disclosed that he’d hurt her peepee. I believed her because I found him closely peering at and fingering her privates more than once when he was diaper changing. But nobody believed that liar-whore, [me]. I have had group LDS counseling, including AMAC (Adults Molested As Children) and have served as a facilitator for the LDS Addiction Recovery Program (ARP). I had 6 months of therapy with a non-LDS counselor who blamed all my woes on my cult membership and the misogyny thereof, but still being loyal to the Church, despite you and men like you, I left her. I went on to having 3 whole years of intensive individual therapy with a FEMALE therapist from LDS Family Services. She confirmed everything that you refused to believe. In fact, she said I was the worst case of psychological abuse that she had seen in her entire career.

My mother was my primary abuser, subjecting me daily to physical, verbal, mental, spiritual, emotional and psychological abuse. My father was her enabler and my secondary abuser. He subjected me to all the abuses that my mother did, and at least one instance of rape as a punishment. I was also drugged and then medically assaulted, while conscious, by an LDS doctor in my branch when I was 15 or 16. When I tried to disclose it, my parents so adamantly shamed and denied it was possible that I blacked out about 85% of the memory. [My abuser] is a master manipulator and predatory narcissist, likely with suppressed pedophilia. He was a marital rapist, and put me through decades of financial, spiritual, emotional, mental and psychological abuse. He attempted to sexually groom my children again and again, introducing both of them to pornography when they were senior-primary age. When the children disclosed it to me, and we reported it to the police, he turned the tables and accused my innocent eternal companion, their stepfather. He also attempted to seduce and molest the 12-year-old daughter of his third wife, but she was to afraid to tell on him. He seduced away my son _____ four years ago, during which time my son completely turned away from the LDS faith, as I predicted he would under [my abuser’s] roof. Instead of Boy Scouts and YM, my boy was given a steady diet of video games, public arcades, Hollywood movies and other baseless amusements. Running circles around [my abuser], my son flew himself across the country to spend 3 days unchaperoned with a girl . . . Like father like son. But you thought that the rot came from me. When had I ever demonstrated the predilections that [my abuser] had already fully proven? It made me wonder, sometimes, if you weren’t a pervert yourself.

I was eventually fully reinstated from your kangaroo court of excommunication, and [my abuser] received full reinstatement. But his bishop and stake president accomplished that by lying to me, lying to wife #3 and lying to the Brethen. Now on wife #5, [my abuser] is a temple worker, and so I can only await the fulfillment of D&C 112:25.

I do not believe you ever had the spirit of discernment in handling my case. Not even an inkling.

I do not believe you ever felt love, compassion or pity toward me. (2 Samuel 12:6, Ezekiel 13:22)

I believe you handled everything with a punitive attitude of hate, blame, disgust, rage and shaming.

I believe you are one of those described in Jacob 2, piercing hearts with deep wounds so that they die

I believe your intent was to excommunicate me from the very first day. I was not endowed but you certainly treated me as if I was. My BRAIN wasn’t even a fully developed adult one yet! [At 29 years older than I], what was [my abuser’s] great excuse then? For you certainly always seemed more lenient and believing of him.

You judged me so quickly and so harshly that you never saw me. I needed your help, but instead you stripped me naked in front of all my brethren and threw me into the pit, like Joseph of old. It was your job to protect and defend me; it was your job to provide safety and comfort and relief. You completely and utterly failed me. I hope you never did this to anyone else’s life, but I’m afraid that you did. You are the blindest fool of a judge in Isreal that I have ever had the misfortune to deal with.

Forgive you? I doubt you’d ever ask it of me, you’re so self-righteous. You probably are not still reading this letter, and if you are, it will probably land in the trash can in a few more moments. That is how proud and hateful and absolutely mistaken about everything about me that I still picture you. But here is the real truth: I was and I still am a daughter of God. I am a mother in Zion. I am of worth. My Heavenly Father and my Savior saw what you did to me, and they sent me miracles to make up for the holocaust that your bloody “ministry” made of my life. You could have saved me from the wolf in sheep’s clothing, but you drew the sword and slew me instead.. May you work out your repentance for what you have done, and may God judge between me and thee.

[my signature]

https://oilstories.wordpress.com/2017/01/09/what-was-still-wick/
https://oilstories.wordpress.com/2018/04/10/the-sword-of-justice/
https://oilstories.wordpress.com/2015/08/04/he-shall-be-destroyed/
https://oilstories.wordpress.com/2015/02/26/the-last-worthless-evening/  “

squlk


[Video: Lyric video of Christina Aguilera’s Fighter]

Letter to the First Presdiency

Finally, this is the letter that I sent to the Office of the First Presidency, along with letters to my ex-husband’s stake president and bishop, my stake president and bishop, and my former stake president. It is the third correspondence that I have sent to them on the matter. My first, at their request, was a 40 page document, which was ignored. My second, at their request, was a letter of acquiescence which basically said, I will never trust him, but I trust you, the Brethren. So I guess you could say that this third letter is a great big honking middle finger to the whole boatload of them. While there was some communication between Salt Lake and my male Church leaders, I have never personally received any official response in regard to this matter from ANYONE at Church HQ.

I sent the third letter on the anniversary of the day that Wes took away my son in 2014.

I sent my third letter on the anniversary of the day that the divorce Wes filed against his first wife was final, in 1993.

I sent this third letter on the anniversary of the day in 1992 that many people in my Mormon ward and stake publicly witnessed the ghost of polygamy: an event in which I was openly groomed and showcased by both Wes and his wife. I was mortified that he so publicly spent an inordinate amount of time with me at that evening; in fact, it was more time than he spent with his wife or anyone else. He was constantly at my side, taking great pleasure in wheeling me about in the wheelchair he’d procured just for the occasion. I was on crutches, having gotten injured in my P.E. class. I was dressed in a special yellow dress which she could no longer fit, but was significant to them both. It had been a favorite of his. He dressed as a riverboat gambler and I was apparently the salt to his pepper. It was wordless, but all these actions seemed almost as if she was consenting that I should be his next sexual partner. This occurred on October 31, 1992. It was at a party that my abuser’s wife threw for herself in celebration of her 50th birthday. Bishop E______ was even attendance, dressed as Satan right down to the horns, red face paint and silken robes. I was appalled with his cavalier, flippant behavior at that time, because he was a leader and there were youth there to witness his example. However, in Freudian hindsight his getup was completely appropriate; the most correct of any costume for him. I went to the stake president for help less than a month after that birthday party.

(After my reinstatement many years later, members of this stake who had been in attendance at this party had the audacity to tell me that it was all my “fault that the Kalamazoo YSA Ward had to be created”. All my fault, huh? Smells like dead squirrel, huh? Those who were silent and immobile bear no responsiblity? The obvious predator in their rank bears no responsiblity? If there is anything that Mormons are most expert in, it is shaming and victim-blaming.)

And now you know the rest of the story about why I hate, Hate, HATE Halloween, otherwise known as Samhain, which is the high holy day of Satanists. The same Satanism my father was studying obsessively during the time when I was sent all alone to the LDS doctor who medically sexually assaulted me. Coincidence? I think not. Ever heard of the Glenn Pace Memo?

October 31, 2018

Dear Brethren,

It came to my attention some time ago that the stake president who handled the reinstatement of my ex-husband, _____________, lied to the stake presidents of at least two of Brother ________’s ex-wives.

__________ and I were both told by our stake presidents that we were “the only ex-wife who will not forgive.” Both of us felt great pressure from our local leaders to go against our own consciences and change our position against reinstatement. Indeed, despite the root fact of our reluctance being that both of us had children whom he constantly continued to target, both of us capitulated to the ecclesiastical pressure from the Church’s representatives.

Since Brother _________’s Reinstatement of Temple and Priesthood Blessings was accomplished on false premises, and due to numerous negative events which have since ensued (D&C 58:43; Matt 7:15-20), I hereby officially revoke my consent, permission, compliance, agreement, assent, and, most of all, my forgiveness. Just as there was no true restitution made, there has been nothing near a reconciliation made. There has only been the complete opposite: a constant 26-year flow of evil fruit from that man.

The Church will, of course, do as it wishes and ignore me on this matter. It always has.

Sincerely,

Katharine L Moore
Mother of 5, Daughter of God
protectldschildren story #622


gaslight
Climax of the movie, Gaslight (1945)

“And he shall have power to bruise her heel,
But she shall have power to crush his head!”

(see also Acts 28:5)


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