Please, Mom?

Ever since it first came out in theaters, my daughter has been wanting me to see the Disney movie, Frozen II. For me, that was quite a tall order to ask, since, unlike the rest of the world’s hivemind apparently, this repeat non-conformist absolutely hated the original Frozen.

Do You Wanna Smash A Snowman?

How do I hate thee? Let me list the ways. Get ready for a hit job, Frozen. First of all, though Disney producers must have thought he was a necessary part of their successful formula of providing a diminutive sidekick for comic relief, I thought the snowman Olaf truly overstepped the mark. He went far beyond the call of duty by not only being annoyingly stupid but also agonizingly irritating. I wanted him to melt. I wanted him to finally shut up die. For the first time in my life I felt like the murderously snowman-hating Professor Hinkle from the old Frosty the Snowman animated TV specials. (Never mind the beautifully mesmerizing, magical other Snowman from my childhood: the one who seemed to understand the loneliness and suffering of my highly sensitive soul.)

Can’t We Let HER Go Somewhere Else?

Furthermore, as the True-Believing homophobic, anti-feminist Mormon who I was at the time Frozen came out, I didn’t understand why everyone went frothing at the mouth over Elsa’s little piss-in-the-wind anthem. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I suspected Let It Go might be another song written to be claimed or even intended to be hijacked by the rabidly rainbow-flag-waving set. (This had happened with the completely innocent song Reflections from Mulan so why couldn’t it happen again?) With society breaking down and falling apart all around me because everybody suddenly needed to be so damn individual; living “their” truth (whatever the hell that was)… and doing this while not caring about the shock to, disagreement by, or consequences to the rest of us, whose idea was it at Disney to just give that mess more gasoline by providing the mutineers with soundtrack? (If you don’t understand what I just wrote, listen to Let It Go again while thinking of the debate raging over face mask wearing in 2020). To my way of thinking at that time, Let It Go was just more proof of this I Gotta Be Me and I Did It My Wayso f*** the rest of you attitude.


VIDEO: Parody of Let It Go

Seeing Beyond The Bells and Whistles

Honestly, I couldn’t understand why Frozen was such a huge hit. To quote C.S. Lewis via Narnia’s Professor Digory, “Oh, logic! Why don’t they teach logic at these schools?!” Could nobody else see that the storyline was disjointed, even completely broken at places, and that much of its premise was tragic?

Spoiler Alert: The trolls ruined everything! I felt that the trulls were even more stupid and even more senseless in the film than Olaf was. Being as well-versed in Poortvliet, Tolkien and general fairytale lore about trolls as I am, I actually asked the universe aloud, why the hell the King and Queen of Arendelle were going to trolls for help? Throughout the movie, the trolls were the evil villains that nobody, not even most of the worldwide audience recognized as being such. Instead, people just kept gratefully trusting and mindlessly returning to them… like so many crowds lined up years later to watch Dreamwork’s Trolls.

If it weren’t so obvious that they were clearly chumps to the trolls, it would have seemed that King Agnarr and Queen Iduna were gluttons for punishment. Why? Because from the beginning, the trolls had known the full truth, but they laid out a terrible, fear-based plan for the King and Queen to follow anyway. This horrible troll advice completely and permanently changed that royal family’s lives, causing years of unnecessary suffering and yes, even the deaths of the reigning monarchs themselves.

Hans Me A Barf Bowl

Oh, and as a final word of condemnation of the abject stupidity that is Frozen, let’s not forget Hans. He’s an inane side character that takes up valuable screen time and, in the end, really makes no sense other than for making history as “the first” domestic-violence anti-hero to go Turncoat Evil Prince. Which, to me, is sort of like a white person voting for Obama just so America can finally boast over electing its first black president (never mind the content of his character, we just care about color) and thereby “prove” that I, a white-privileged person and indeed all of white-privileged America is completely and utterly not racist at all, after all, no, not anymore. I write this as I laugh at you in the face of the Black Lives Matter annus horriblus of 2020 America.

Anna: My Singular Reason To Reconsider

My Anna knew how I felt about Frozen, but she persisted in asking me to watch Frozen II anyway. She told me the sequel was completely different. Anna even said that she was sure that I would like it! I wasn’t willing to give Disney any more money than I had to in order to see it, so I acquiesced to my daughter’s plea by agreeing to watching Frozen II once it was out of the box office and available to watch “free-to-me” on a cable premium television channel like HBO or Showtime.

Then my daughter made the importance of my watching Frozen II even more clear when she wrote this January 2020 Facebook post:

Therefore, the only thing I knew about Frozen II, until I finally watched it last night, on All Hallows’ Eve, was Princess Anna’s plaintive song, The Next Right Thing.


The Next Right Thing from Frozen II

Now Enter Frozen II

I spent quite a bit of time yesterday working on a blog post called Where Did You Get That Hat, so my mind was partly still occupied with it when I sat down to watch Frozen II with the family. Due to various constraints, including living more than a day’s drive away, Anna wasn’t able to be with us, but she knew we were finally going to be watching her movie. I believe in the timing of things, yet I admit that I was a little afraid that I was watching the film a little too late to be of any true comfort to this most beloved daughter. Would Anna still feel it as a sign of my care for her?

From the moment it began, I knew that this movie would be completely different. It just felt different. Anna was right. As Frozen II unfolded, I began to realize that it felt almost autobiographical. I was further surprised to find that I was deeply identifying with Elsa, the Let It Go woman, of all people.

Song: All Is Found

When Queen Idunna sang All Is Found, all I could think about was the years I’d spent working with an LDSFS therapist, and the special spiritual, symbolic significance that rivers had played in our initial encounter, our therapy, and the close relationship that we developed. This therapist knows more about me than any other woman on earth, so in that sense, she became like a mother to me; filling a deep, longing need that my mother never did, would, could or can. Together we healed what could be mended in me along those shores of that Pure River of Water of Life.

There is another connection. Upon learning the queen’s name, I immediately thought of my blog post about the Mormon temple new name, Ida, it’s connection to the Norse name, Iðunn or Idunn, meaning Eve, and of my connectedmotherless child” mom issues. These are issues about which I had just been blogging! More along this vein will be said, once I get to writing fully about Elsa.


Evan Rachel Wood sings “All Is Found” from Frozen II

My Thoughts On Princess Anna

Elsa’s sister Anna was a beautiful person, too, but I felt that I was not a whole lot like her… at least, not anymore. I knew it when I heard Anna sing the somewhat naïve song, Some Things Never Change. I knew it when, unable to sleep later that night for still mulling over Frozen II, I watched this deleted scene. Nobody has ever described me this way, but it perfectly fits my daughter, my own Anna. In fact, I feel this way about all of my female offspring… they are so much better at it than I feel I can ever hope to be.


Elsa Reveals The Truth About Her Sister – Frozen II Deleted Scene

Yet there were elements of Anna where I could see myself, as well as my daughter. Interestingly enough, it all has to do with our shared Mormon experience. The deleted song, Home, illustrates the existance we both completely lived for such a long time: oh so very happy in the confidence and familiarity we felt in the “truth” of the Restored Gospel of Jesus Christ. This may sound kind of funny to say, but Anna’s Home sure seems like the antithesis to the provincial life that Beauty and the Beast‘s Belle perceived in her world.


Anna’s deleted song, “Home” from Frozen II

Therefore, it isn’t surprising that, now understanding its context, I bawled through The Next Right Thing. Yet I was crying for more than the losses of the movie’s fictional characters. I was crying for me… for my daughter… and for the horrible loss that was and is the process of coming to the realization of the actual, awful truth that everything I thought was real about Mormonism is an illusion, a deception, even a deliberate and knowing lie.

My baby may have always followed me around, but I too, was only following the LDS prophets and apostles around in the same fully trusting, childlike way… especially in the years of religious scrupulosity that preceded and followed my reinstatement to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I realized more fully the depths of anguish my Anna had described in her Facebook post, partly because the song brought back memories of the darkest, loneliest Mormon moments in my life too: being abandoned to my abuser by my local and stake Church leaders, including their act of excommunicating me… being all alone and terrified with two little children in a domestic violence shelter… struggling mightily during my second pregnancy not to give into the nearly all-consuming desire to kill myself. That darkness? I’ve been there too… and while I never really had anyone there for me, as a faithful constant, I realized that my Anna had. She’d had me and the all-important, enthroned Gospel that I’d centered her life around and taught her was true.

So the scenes that immediately followed this, Frozen II‘s crown-jewel of a song, were, wow, both shocking and satisfying. The courageous fight? The head-on, face-to-face confrontation which seems like the absolute antithesis, the craziest possible thing that you could ever think to do? Waking up the menace of the sleeping giants? I’ve been there, lived that as well.

Where there be giants or there be trolls, my mind kept seeing them as symbolic of LDS Church leaders. It didn’t really matter if they were ignorant, blindly obedient or completely, selfishly self-interested; either way they caused harm. As stated in an article by americanrivers.org, “the problems begin when the king gives ‘a gift of peace’ to the native people: a dam to ‘strengthen their waters’. But the dam wasn’t a gift, it was a trick.” Sorta reminds me of organized religion, especially groups like the Mormons, Jehovah’s Witnesses, Scientologists, Seventh-Day Adventists and Christian Scientists that go all fundamentalist. Really, truly, I don’t need the “improvements” upon my soul to be found with your damned dam.

The three gradations of inveracity: lies, dam lies and statistics

My Thoughts On The Newbies

I was impressed with the new character of Lieutenant Mattias. I’m sorry that Disney chose to cut and curtail the role of Mattias: according to a few videos I watched, he originally played a bigger hero’s part, and even had a musical number. He and the moose, Sven, both played important roles in expanding our knowledge of Christoff, King Agnarr and Queen Idunna.

Speaking of new characters, I was entranced by the whole Northuldra society: nature-honoring, aboriginal, and peaceful. Truly theirs was a gift to be simple, a gift to be free. What a blessing to be Northuldra: The People of the Sun, or alternatively spoken, the People Who Walk In Light. (On top of this very obvious symbolic allusion to Tangled‘s Rapunzel, and to later Elsa scenes in Frozen II itself, this identification really has Quaker overtones to me.) The Northuldra music reminded me of the wonderful Belarussian women’s musical ensemble, Laboratorium Pieśni. Something about the Scandanavian, Slavic, and Russian people has always spoken to my soul. It wasn’t until I received my AncestryDNA results that I understood why.


Scene from Frozen II, “Our Mother Was Northuldra”

Four of the Five Elemental Spirits

Here I must mention the character of Bruni, the fire salamander. Holy friggin hell, could Disney have gotten it any closer? Whether it was claimed to be in a stone box with the gold plates (and really more of an ugly toad in form), or mentioned in the forged letters of Mark Hoffman, could there have been a better symbol for the flame Elsa had to face and tame and see for herself what it really was… and wasn’t? That’s a pretty powerful symbol for the Word of God, right there. Again I’m thinking of the huge difference between Mormon, Evangelical Christian and Quaker teachings on this topic.

It made me stop and think of what possible Mormon or spiritual symbolism could be connected to the other three elemental spirits of the forest. Gale, the spirit of the wind, reminded me of the personified character of Ocean in Disney’s Moana. So perhaps, she, like Ocean, represents the Will of God. I’ve already mentioned the Earth Giants in this post when I wrote about Princess Anna. Yet I wonder if maybe my perception of the elemental spirit of Earth is simply a hostile one right now. Perhaps Disney really was wrong, though, in portraying the Earth as male. Patriarchy and misogyny are certainly big problems, both in and out of the church. However, the larger he truth is that traditionally, both the Earth and the Moon have been overwhelmingly perceived as female, not male. So with this insight, back we go to the issue I’ve blogged about before: the forgotten, overlooked and neglected divine feminine.

Finally, there’s the Nokk, the shape-shifting horselike spirit that represents the elemental spirit of Water. I’m not sure I’ve completely figured this one out yet. Water symbolizes life, baptism, renewal, constancy… but it can also be mysterious, dangerous, even deadly. Again, I’m reminded of Moana‘s Ocean, but I also can’t help but think more of what Olaf kept saying about water having memory… and of the connection it must surely have to the frozen glacier, the River Ahtohallen. Enter in the work of Dr. Masaru Emoto. He believes water shows us who we are. Water shows us what we are. Water is the mirror of our mind and has the ability to show us what we cannot see. (This concept was well-illustrated in the deleted scene with Christoff and the Nokk.) It’s also very interesting to me that Elsa and the Nokk become so close by the end of the movie: As one, like a horse and its rider, another symbolic theme which has been repeated in Disney film.


Dr. Masaru Emoto’s Water Experiments

My Thoughts on Queen Elsa

Like springs flow into creeks, creeks flow into rivers, and rivers flow into oceans, this seems like the perfect place to introduce my feelings about Elsa to this essay. For there is a definite, intimate connection between Elsa and water. As we learn in Frozen II from such scenes as Elsa taming the Nokk and drawing up water droplets in the shipwreck scene, her grasp came to extend beyond the snow-and-ice manipulation of water in it’s frozen state, as presumably drawn from the moisture in the air around her. So while I admire the Zan, the Wonder Twin and think of Pixar’s Frozone as an extremely cool cat, I’d honestly much rather have the water powers of Elsa.

I don’t know why, or how, but I really liked and felt an immediate kinship with Elsa from the moment I first saw her in Frozen II… which is really weird, since I didn’t feel this at all with the always-miserable albino blonde chick in the original Frozen.

Song: Into The Unknown

Then that sense of familiarity was reinforced, almost alarmingly so, when Elsa sang Into The Unknown. For me, this song was AUTOBIOGRAPHICAL. It reminded me of the moment in my life when I decided to investigate McKeanna Denson, the MTC Joseph Bishop Scandal, Sam Young, and his first social-justice-seeking, non-profit organization called Protect LDS Children. I had sensed for months that if I ever dared to look into this Pandora’s Box, everything would change forever. Like the switch point on a train track being thrown, I would be taken somewhere else, forever.

I’d been abused by Mormon parents followed by being groomed and seduced by a Mormon clergyman, excommunicated from the Mormon Church, fully reinstated, become a mother, gotten divorced; served in Church positions of honor and responsibility, been through years of group and individual LDS-based mental health therapy, regained a portion of my honor and self-respect; achieved a temple-marriage with a husband truly worthy of me, had more children, raised them up in the Church, and only just taken my Anna through the temple in preparation for her full-time mission and the temple marriage I anticipated for her sometime thereafter. So, like, HELLO?! to the lyric, “Everyone I’ve ever loved is here within these walls. I’m sorry, secret siren, but I’m blocking out your calls. I’ve had my adventure, I don’t need something new. I’m afraid of what I’m risking if I follow you.”


Into the Unknown from Frozen II

However, there is another lyric that is disturbing to me. It says, “What do you want? ‘Cause you’ve been keeping me awake! Are you here to distract me so I make a big mistake? Or are you someone out there who’s a little bit like me? Who knows deep down I’m not where I’m meant to be?”

If I somehow subconsciously knew that I was never meant to be Mormon, I don’t know that I ever dared consciously admit and proudly claim it. This was obviously a fallacy and a sinful thought for TBM Katie. The Church was true, God’s true church on Earth, the only true church, so obviously everything that had ever gone wrong had something to do with me and my failings.

The other lyric about the big mistake reflects the suspicion, resentment, and hopeless resignation that I have felt, at times, toward Mormon God. Was I just put here to fail? Was I just a plaything, a pawn? He was going to get His Will anyway – no matter my powerlessness, praises or protests – so why even care or try to tangle with fate on God’s capricious chessboard?

I’ve only recently learned to differentiate between the real god (what Quakers call the Inner Light), Mormon God, the Mormon Church, and the Church’s authorities/authority claims. I’ve only recently discovered that when I’ve insisted on, clung to and followed through on the absolute veracity of my own personal leadings or revelation or inspiration (however you call it) I’ve always been right. Compare my multiple experiences of divine validation with the years, the centuries really, of gaff after gaff the Church and its leaders have made since long before I was even born. Frankly, the Church and Mormon God have been proven incorrect much more often than I have. Quite frequently they’ve been so dead-wrong as to be deadly to those who believed their claims of divine inspiration and authority.

Screenshot from my post, Obedient Disobedience, written Dec 18, 2018

Stepping Into My Power

My favorite scene where Elsa’s uses her powers is actually the moment when she creates crystallized diamond-shards in conjunction with Into The Unknown. So it was interesting to learn of Elsa’s deleted dream sequence where Anna is awake and present in the room. I learned that this sequence is where the diamond-shard concept originated in connection with a mirror. (Well damn, this gets personal again, doesn’t it, Anna?) I have had powerful, comforting, life-guiding dreams. I have studied and pondered over water topics such as the connection between women and wells of water which appears throughout scripture. Yes, I’ve connected these themes with mirror themes that suddenly seem very Nokklike now, such as Harry Potter’s Mirror of Erised , Never Ending Story’s Second Gate, Mulan’s Reflections, Man of La Mancha’s Knight of the Mirrors and even Venelope’s song in Wreck -It-Ralph.

Song: I Seek The Truth

Maybe… just perhaps… I haven’t lost the path? Maybe, just perhaps, I’ve just lost, as in departed from or left, the Mormon way? Maybe, just maybe, all this was meant to be shattered and forever destroyed? All I know is that, ever since I went public with my LDS faith crisis and my support of Protect Every Child, my byline on Facebook has read, “I seek the truth. The whole truth.” I grew uncomfortable with it only a few weeks ago, and decided to delete it. So imagine how I felt when I learned of THIS deleted Elsa song called I Seek The Truth. Once again, I’m yelling, “What the AUTOBIOGRAPHICAL what?!” This is so “me” that regardless of the official deletion, it’s my mostest favoritest song from Frozen II.


Deleted Elsa song, “I Seek The Truth” from Frozen II

I can imagine my children singing this song. After I’m dead and gone, could it be possible that they really do end up combing through my writings? Could it be that these rantings of a half-mad woman could really mean anything of real significance to them? The deleted scene of the girls finding their mother’s secret library of personal studies reflects this again, though mine is not-so- hidden in the Rubbermaid tubs we’ve lugged around from move to move. The library scene also makes me think of my mother, and how, like the Northumbran Queen Idunna, Mom hid away and deliberately kept me from almost everything having to do with my Hawaiian heritage.

In addition, I think of my parents and the dysfunctional family system they’ve established when Queen Elsa sings one particular stanza of the lyrics to I Seek The Truth. My blog post Not So Welcome does a pretty good job of illustrating why my mind would go there. Furthermore, when I hear these lines, I also think of my “church parents”, the LDS authorities that I so deeply believed and trusted, from my local authorities all the way up to the President of the LDS Church himself. Both of these are narcissistic systems.

Another secret
And another and another
At least you were consistent
Hello father, hello mother
But I won’t let that pull us back to what we were before
I won’t let [them] close [me off behind that] door
No more [of your] doors [for me] anymore

Master, The Tempest Is Raging

Directly following the seemingly autobiographical Next Right Thing scene, came another “moment of me” with Elsa at the seashore. Here again, in the wind and the waves appears another very personal symbol. I couldn’t help thinking of again of Ada McGrath, the me-I-see in the movie The Piano. Just like she experienced in her life, so much of my mine has also consisted of repeating episodes of powerlessness, pain, abuse and joyless bullshit all rooted in patriarchal systems of oppression. To give up, or not to give up, that becomes the ultimate question of the movie.

Thinking back on my beginning moments of being born, who was the baby who arrived at the hospital already full crown but was forced to wait? Yes, senselessly wait to be born, wait for her mother’s saddle-block to set in, wait until after the doctor had finished watching his football game? Me! Think of the actions from the uterus, pushing outward, while everything within my infant self also attempted to push outward, only to meet those enormous crowning waves perplexingly pushing me backwards into the bitter environment of a woman who didn’t want me if I turned out to be just another girl. Think of the frustration, always frustration with this constant something blocking me from the path I knew I had follow! When I worked as a birth doula, I witnessed this lunacy first-hand: nurses actually pushing the baby back in, or holding it back with both hands while the fearful supine mother writhed instead of stepping into her power… all until His Most Honorable and Esteemed Dr. God deigned to stroll into the room and grace it with his slowly-sandwich-eating presence.

Show Yourself

Get ready for me to relate the biggest Frozen II mind-buster of them all. Let me first explain that a certain preceding event was an irritant when it occurred last night, but I’m wondering now if maybe the event was Providential. Right at the crucial scene where Elsa gets to the end of her journey into the heart of Ahtohalla, right at the moment of moments in the song, Show Yourself, everybody sitting on the couch with me suddenly got really yacky. I couldn’t hear the dialogue over their hubbub, and so missed hearing sufficient details to completely understand what the heck had happened.


“Show Yourself” from Frozen II

I did catch enough of the gist of things, though, to experience another eerie feeling of autobiographical familiarity. It’s all related to Frances Hodgson Burnett’s novel, The Secret Garden. This book ranks among the most personally significant that I have read in my lifetime. I resisted reading it, at first, but eventually succumbed to the temptation provided by the beautiful illustration created by the late great Tasha Tudor for the front cover. Like the friendly robin in the story, The Secret Garden has followed me around ever since, reappearing in various new guises every time I face another door in the wall with something I must journey into beyond it.

1990. I saw my first film version of the story one sad Christmas when my mother had to be in the hospital, but nobody would tell me why. The obvious prudishness around the subject raised all kinds of mother-loss emotional alarms for me. I could not have seen this movie at a better time, for I felt so much hurt like Mary Lennox’s hurt. The message of the inner hope of still being wick was so beautifully portrayed, and the encouragement to choose life despite all the environment of barren darkness and death around me was so deeply, deeply comforting.

1998. During my first marriage, I connected The Secret Garden to an LDS allegorical musical The Garden, by Michael McLean and Bruce Neubert. It was while listening to this CD alone, carefully avoiding my abusive husband, that I gained a personal testimony of Jesus Christ for myself.

2002. Next, I encountered the theatrical version of The Secret Garden during my divorce. This was again a time of deep uncertainty and trauma where God did not fail to reach out to me very personal, knowing intimacy. Baffled by what felt to me like a very Maternal Presence, I only shared with my counselor and my journal how She was inviting me to be safely enfolded in, with and through Her who was my own Secret Garden. At the time I also interpreted the Secret Garden imagery to denote my safe places: the tiny apartment on police-protected grounds where my abuser was not allowed to be anywhere near me or my babies… the little bishop’s office where I met with my counselor from LDSFS… and the Secret Garden of the House of the Lord himself, the LDS Temple.

2007. I’m reminded at this point of a visit to our stake by the LDS Apostle, Elder David A Bednar. At the Saturday evening adult session, he began his address by quoting D&C 93:1, which reads, Verily, thus saith the Lord: It shall come to pass that every soul who forsaketh his sins and cometh unto me, and calleth on my name, and obeyeth my voice, and keepeth my commandments, shall see my face and know that I am. Then the apostle spent the rest of his address explaining that this teaching was a literal reality. This is what launched over a year of personal scripture study which I marked with copious study notes and always finished with a metallic star sticker in the margin so I could find it again. I was seeking the path to same Secret Garden in the tops of the spiritual mountains that Moses and, apparently, the openly witnessing Elder Bednar had personally found.

2017. The first time I wrote publicly about the lessons I’d learned amid the shame and humiliation of my blindly unjust excommunication from the LDS Church, I referenced The Secret Garden again when I entitled the blog post What Was Still Wick. That January 2017 version, while still loyal to the Church, led to having the courage to tell my story privately, face-to-face, to other people within the Church; especially to other women. Eventually I worked up to daring to share more of the negative details that I’d self-censored out of the original account: this time writing Story 622 at protectldschildren.org

2020. Now here it was again, in this enfolding place, in this welcoming cave, in this icy Secret Garden of innermost chambers at the heart of the glacial River Ahtohallen. So last night I wondered, what truth, what life-giving, nurturing comfort would I learn this time? Maybe this is why, even after the movie was over and we’d all gone to bed, I couldn’t sleep, thought it was well past midnight.

So in the early hours of this morning, I laid in bed, listening to the Frozen II soundtrack on Amazon Prime… but still, my mind wouldn’t let me sleep. I knew I was still missing something because I just couldn’t understand the mother cave scene. So I went on YouTube, and there discovered all the information about the deleted scenes and songs with which I’ve enriched this essay. Even better yet, though, was the triumph of discovering the video just below. It spoke to everything, just everything that I am facing and learning and dealing with right now. Watching this fascinating presentation finally gave me the peace to comprehend and, at last, claim my rest.


How Elsa Found Herself (Musically) & Why It’s Amazing by Howard Ho

1:09 Traditional Sami singing known as The Yoik
2:34 Kulning: An ancient Scandinavian herding call
4:52 Dies Irae, a 13th century Gregorian requiem
6:08 The meaning and significance of Ahtohallen
7:15 Frozen’s Norwegian influences, including Rosemaling
9:02 All Is Found in Ahtohallen
11:05 The lesson Mother is trying to teach Elsa: the real truth
11:40 Sami Indigenous History in Frozen II and Frozen‘s feminism
13:10 Kristoff the Feminist
15:26 Into the Unknown (Musical Symbolism: Striving)
17:21 Prosody of Big Melodic Leaps and The Wizard of Oz
19:27 Let It Go starts as an I Want Song
21:32 Let It Go becomes an Arrival Song, and basis for Frozen II
23:55 Show Yourself (Musical Symbolism: Settling)
25:35 Finishing the Arc of Elsa’s Story

KULNING: The Good Shepherd/ess began calling to me, as if to say, Elsa-Kate, there is more for you to do in your life, more for you to learn in your time than just to wear out the rest of your days being a princess in the town of Mormon and the castle of it’s laws and ordinances, doctrines and dogmas, practices and traditions.

DIES IRAE: It’s Judgement Day for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints… and for you, whom I have placed in a position to judge righteous judgement. Be comforted in knowing that you’re not the only member that this is happening to. Be comforted in remembering that unless a corn die and fall to the earth, there can be no further fruit. Yes, you have been passing through a death, but you yet live. It is their moment to die, not yours; their moment to die within you.

AHTOHALLEN: Listen to the Mormon dead. Listen to the voices of true witnesses that you have not been allowed to hear before. Listen to your indigenous ancestors of Polynesia, who suffered white imperialism like unto the Sami, including those who converted to the Christian, then the RLDS and finally the LDS faith. Listen to the wisdom and warning against organized religion of your Grandpa H, the boy forced by his own grandparents (especially the secret keeper John Phillip) to follow the Christian Scientist faith. Look in the Living Water and finally discern the whole truth about these prophets and apostles you were taught to honor and revere as being of Me. Can you handle these floods without drowning, without dying from your own sorrow over them?

NORWEGIAN INFLUENCES, ROSEMALING: The largest portion of my genetic makeup is Scandanavian… and as with my Hawaiian heritage, I know almost nothing about it. Uncertain even of our actual main patriarchal surname, (the Holy Grail sought by my Grandpa H, which I have since discovered via traditional research + DNA matching), I was raised to focus on my German, Northwestern Michigan and New Englander roots. And yet, the beautiful, colorful, geometrically balanced, mandala-like folk motifs whose names I did not know, such as rosemaling, have always spoken to my soul… have always been mine, part of my feeling of being at-home… to be surrounded by them has always been a desire. Perhaps this is another part of the reason why the original Frozen was so disappointing for me: it looked the part, but the story just flew in from left field and sucked. I had somewhat of the same experience with Lilo and Stitch (disappointing haole LGBTQ weirdness) followed by the exquisite Moana that fed my soul.

ALL IS FOUND IN AHTOHALLEN: This was the moment where I felt like I was being given another bead on my sacred strand of Secret Garden experiences. Mother is here. Mother symbolizes God. You are not misled or mistaken in exploring and discovering the divine feminine that is you and within you. Remember the one verse that you have been able to cling to right now, the one verse that stayed your mind and stayed in your mind: The Kingdom of God is Within You. Is this not what Jesus taught, he who testified that he always did what would please his Father? The Kingdom of God is Within You. Is this not what the Mormons most deny but the Quakers most seem to understand?

THE LESSON IS THE TRUTH, THE WHOLE TRUTH: Anything but the complete truth is a lie. Now that you know, have heard, have learned what I have broken through to you, and out of you… what will you do? Do you know The Next Right Thing to do? If not, are you still willing to listen; do you still believe that I can and will tell you? For there are more lessons.

OPPRESSIVE SYSTEMS AS SEEN WITH THE SAMI AND WITH WOMEN: Howard Ho summarized it so well in the video when he said, Elsa realizes “she needs to break through the old traditions that were holding her back, learn more about her role in the history of oppression, and become connected to the community around her. She needed to get over the fear of the unknown and go headfirst into it. Elsa’s narrative complexity which has her reaching the heights of outer strength as well as the depths of inner truth makes her a Disney princess that breaks the mold in so many ways. Boundaries breached indeed.”

KRISTOFF THE FEMINIST: Thank God, over and over again, for my husband who has taught me what love really is … and has given life to our children and help me to raise them. They, in turn, like their father, have each helped me to learn this same lesson of love.

INTO THE UNKNOWN: So maybe I should start getting excited about this PostMormon journey? Maybe my mourning, my mental hand-wringing, my circling around the grave of the dead Deceiever that was Mormonism can stop? Maybe my melted Wings of Daedalus do not mean that I am ruined and drowned. Maybe I might fly, perhaps even soar again.

RELEASE YOUR RAINBOW: A FURTHER RAINBOW LESSON LEARNED FROM PROSODY – Remember The Rainbow Chain of Faith in Jesus Christ, that inspired activity of your stake back in Michigan: that time where the presiding sisters of the Stake Primary were not suffered to “partake of the bitter cup and shrink”? Rather, they were trusted, fully supported and enabled by the rare “Kristoff Feminists” then presiding over the stake? You’ve never seen anything like it before or since, have you Katie?

Look at how this is like the Arbitrary Musical Rules About Octaves set by some know-it-all, self-appointed, light-to the world by the name of Charles Harris. Remember this: Somewhere Over The Rainbow could never have been written by him… so it wasn’t.

What if there is something for you to do, Kate-Elsa, which can only be done outside of the Mormon Church? You are not doomed to forever be the misfit Edward Scissorhands, for I have kept your tender heart but torn the blades that always cut from out of you and am making you mine… Making you Velveteen Rabbit real.

ARRIVING AT RELEASE: In 1993 Letting Go of Mormonism and almost everything I ever thought was true and right, best and good happened first because of “Count Olaf”, second because the misery and abuse of my childhood, and third because the gross misunderstanding and blindly judgmental rejection of the long, long line of Mormon trolls. Now again, 27 years later, I am Letting Go a second time, and this time for good. This time, the choice is really mine and not made under any outward necessity or duress. This time I am Letting Go because, in the end, “it wasn’t really so, but it seemed to be.”

SHOW YOURSELF AND SETTLING INTO THE WHOLE ME THAT IS TO BE: Yes, this is a wild ride, but I am still safe. When I ask, How do I be you? How do I be good? How do I be me in Mormonville? the answer is there. Show yourself; Step into your power. Throw yourself into something new. You are the one you’ve been waiting for all of your life. The Kingdom of God is within you.


I seek the truth
You drew a map for me, you left me a clue
You didn’t leave me alone
You’re with me, guiding what I do
I seek the truth
They say that it can hurt, but even so
I won’t let it go

FINISHING THE ARC OF ELSA’S STORY: As Howard Ho commented, “But by the end of the first Frozen, Elsa goes back to the castle.” It’s just like me, scrupolously going through the complete humiliating, demeaning hell of a Mormon excommunication and reinstatement. Me, spending just years and years trying to be what I believe I must be, to fit where I believe I must fit.

My place in the world? “For Elsa, this means being outside of Mormonville and being with nature, her people… That’s why she’s happy: she’s in her element, among the elements, she’s one with the wind and sky… The North Wind siren song is beckoning Elsa into the Enchanted Forest, [a place of transformation] where she will discover that she doesn’t belong in a Covenant Path Castle… she realizes that being a queen in a castle and achieving the Mormon Princess Model for happily ever after is not for her… She lives [happily] out in the forest among the Northuldra and her spirit [element] friends.”


“We Know The Way” (Extended Version) from Disney’s Moana

Do I believe I was meant to see Frozen II now;
at this very time? Absolutely.

Can I see the Next Right Thing?

Yes. Yes I can. The answer is right there at the end of the movie. Elsa is joyfully riding across the ocean on the Nokk, heading back to Ahtohallen. No, my answer is not to go back to those countless hours of volunteer indexing for the multi-billionaire LDS-Corp, nor is it to jump back into the trenches I was digging like a good little soldier on my family tree at Ancestry. No, I still can’t bear to go back to that war.

My sense, from looking at the expression animated in Elsa’s face, is that she was galloping toward that glacial river like a daughter returning home. I know that feeling. I experienced it back in the days when I was a regular temple patron. No more a stranger, nor a guest, but like a child at home. I experienced it whenever I was let off the chain and allowed to go to my paternal grandparents: my heart’s home.

I am hopeful that I can learn what my Inward Teacher has been waiting all this long time to impart to an Elsa-Kate what can only be comprehended in the condition of release from her chains.


“A Pure River of Water of Life”, arranged by Murray Boren

PURE RIVER OF WATER OF LIFE

Lyrics: Christina Rossetti
Bible Reference: Revelation 22:1-5


We know not a voice of that River,
If vocal or silent it be,
Where for ever and ever and ever
It flows to no sea.

More deep than the seas is that River,
More full than their manifold tides,
Where for ever and ever and ever
It flows and abides.

Pure gold is the bed of that River
(The gold of that land is the best),
Where for ever and ever and ever
It flows on at rest.

Oh goodly the banks of that River,
Oh goodly the fruits that they bear,
Where for ever and ever and ever
It flows and is fair.

For lo! on each bank of that River
The Tree of Life life-giving grows,
Where for ever and ever and ever
The Pure River flows.

Did my feedback of my initial reaction via text message mean something to my daughter? Absolutely.

This post is dedicated to my Anna
From her Elsa

My daughter and I have always believed that there is some kind of special agreement between the two of us, since we keep up a weaving-of-sorts, turning and returning once again to save each other.
As the Quaker John Greenleaf Whittier put it,
Thee lift me, and I lift thee, and together we ascend.


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