Stone, I WILL Carry You

Lift up your voice, lift up your voice, lift up your voice and speak!

Every year, at the beginning of Holy Week, followers of Jesus Christ celebrate his triumphal entry into Jerusalem on a day that has come to be called Palm Sunday. At that event, the scriptures record that the feelings among the citizenry were not unanimous.

And some of the Pharisees from among the multitude said unto him,
Master, rebuke thy disciples.

And [Jesus] answered and said unto them,
I tell you that, if these should hold their peace,
the stones would immediately cry out.

– Luke 19:39-40

In this response to these learned priesthood brethren within his own household of faith, Jesus was making an allusion to a scripture from the Old Testament where it is promised that “even the stones [will] cry out against that which is shameful.”

According to Albert Barnes’ Notes On The Whole Bible, “The dirge [in Habbukkuk] began with woe on the wrongful accumulation of wealth from the conquered and oppressed people: it continues with the selfish use of the wealth so won.”

The passage reads, in part:

I will stand upon my watch, and set me upon the tower,
and will watch to see what he will say unto me,
and what I shall answer when I am reproved. . . 

Woe to him that coveteth an evil covetousness to his house,
that he may set his nest on high, [in imitation of God’s tower]
that he may be delivered from the power of evil!
[that is, desiring the heights to do evil and escape it’s consequences,
rather than to function as true guardians: the watchmen in the tower,
actively guarding over the Lord’s vineyard]

Because thou hast spoiled many nations, [that is, hurt many people]
all the remnant of the people shall spoil thee;
because of men’s blood,
and for the violence of the land,
of the city,
and of all that dwell therein.

Thou hast consulted shame to thy house
by cutting off many people,
and hast sinned against thy soul.

For the stone shall cry out of the wall,
and the beam out of the timber shall answer it.

– Habbukkuk 2:1, 8-11

 

Further insight into this passage is found in the Adam Clarke Commentary.  (As BYU professors concluded in 2017, it is the very book that Joseph Smith extensively plagarized to create the Joseph Smith Translation.)  Clarke states, “The stone shall cry out of the wall, and the beam out of the timber shall answer it – This appears to refer to the ancient mode of building walls; two or three courses of stone. and then one course of timber. (See 1 Kings 6:36); : thus was the palace of Solomon built. The splendid and costly buildings of Babylon have been universally celebrated. But how were these buildings erected? By the spoils of conquered nations, and the expense of the blood of multitudes; therefore the stones and the timber are represented as calling out for vengeance against this ruthless conqueror.”

 

 

When I looked up this passage in John Gil’s Exposition of the Whole Bible, an ancient proverb was cited and quoted there: 

Even the stones and timbers will speak when any criminal silence is kept

 

I also found insight in what the Geneva Study Bible had to say:

“The stones of the house will cry,
and say that they are built from blood,
and the wood will answer
and say the same of itself.”

But my favorite explanation, both succinct and poetic, came from Matthew Poole’s English Annotations on the Holy Bible:

“For the stone, the strength of thy house, accuseth thee.
Shall cry out; as if it had a voice, it crieth to God for vengeance.

The beam, on which thy chambers are laid,
shall answer it; confirms the charge against thee;

and that fabric cannot be long
a safe or a beautiful habitation,

whose stones and beams are shaken
with the strong cries of innocent blood,

and families ruined
by the oppression of the builder.”

Finally, as Johann Albrecht Bengel said,

“When power hath once gone forth from God,
it does not return without accomplishing its purpose.
It is wont to find something which it may rouse to act,
whatever be the objects which come in its way.”

Even if it has to be stones and timbers.

Even if it has to be millstones.

And this because mankind themselves have first failed to act.

 

 

[Video: Do You Hear The People Sing, from Les Miserables]

 

 

And as some spake
of the temple,

how it was adorned
with goodly stones
and gifts,

[Jesus] said,
As for these things
which ye behold,
the days will come,
in the which
there shall not be left
one stone 
upon another,
that shall not be thrown down.“

Luke 21:5-6

 

Wait, was the Savior speaking of the stones in the walls of the temple?!

 

I remember other stones in another temple, where the hand of God wrote:

Thou art weighed in the balances and art found wanting

 

And again, I remember other verses from LDS scripture about a future day where God will begin the cleansing of the earth at his own temple first.

Behold, vengeance cometh speedily upon the inhabitants of the earth, a day of wrath, a day of burning, a day of desolation, of weeping, of mourning, and of lamentation; and as a whirlwind it shall come upon all the face of the earth, saith the Lord.

And upon my house shall it begin, and from my house shall it go forth, saith the Lord;

First among those among you, saith the Lord, who have professed to know my name and have not known me, and have blasphemed against me in the midst of my house, saith the Lord.

– D&C 112:24-26

 

Destruction of the original Nauvoo Temple

“Ostentatious buildings and cities make statements about their builders.” – Expository Notes of Dr. Thomas Constable

All of this talk of rocks and stones brings to mind a personal experience.

Against my true will, I married the Latter-day Saint clergyman who had been my ecclesiastical groomer, molester and, ultimately, psychological-sexual abuser.

“I remember a FHE lesson my ex-husband taught me once, early in our marriage, when it was still just him and I. He created this little poster that read, Stone, I Will Not Carry You. He waved it about, many times in my face during the lesson, and made sure to hang it on the refrigerator for weeks afterwards. The “lesson” was really a chastisement from him, the uninspired Gospel-According-to-Me; nothing like what was written in the manual. He was angry with me for not “forgiving and forgetting” the ROTTEN, LYING, STINKING base upon which our marriage began.

He was not happy with me that I was not more like him, that I could not whitewash, minimize or ignore THE TRUTH of what had brought us together, or act like it had never happened – especially around others. I was still ashamed; he wasn’t. It was a thing I wished could be repented of; for him it wasn’t. He was satisfied with the outcome. To him, it was over, case closed. He had gotten what he wanted.  But to me, it was not done and over, it was current. I had not been true to my God or true to myself, and I knew it.

The consequence was that I was miserable. The consequence was that I had really gotten nothing that I had wanted. I had not been strong enough to stop it from snowballing, and even after I had sought outside help, I had not been able to stop it or escape from it.

He chastised me for continuing to “bear the burden of bitterness” and encouraged me to “drop the stone” like he had.  I was slightly insulted by this simplistically flippant attitude, but more dumbfounded, really.

So… that’s how he had been able to commit sin in the morning and go to the temple in the afternoon with a bounce in his step and a big smile on his face? Was repentance really THAT easy?

Unlike him, I had been crushed by what I had done. Shamed. Smashed to the very depths, shattered with regret for all that I had done and allowed to happen. And I had done it all out of a yearning search for ✿LOVE✿.  Yes, the need to be deeply loved was behind the choice I made to love him over everything and everyone else, even God.

Afresh

So during the “lesson” I began to wonder: Who did he think Jesus was? His personal Santa Claus in the sky? His very own whipping boy? Someone he could just continue to lay all his crap upon indiscriminately? A chained-up Deity at his constant disposal whom he could intermittently whip, abuse, and torture with his sins, splitting and splattering the body back open at his whim and then walk away laughing at what a chump Jesus was? Glad it’s not me, dude! Here, take another stone, I know you can handle it!  That’s what you’re here for, hahahaha. I began to watch him more closely and with growing dismay.  What had I done? Who had I really married?”

Men like my ex-husband and those in Latter-day Saint leadership who defend these sexual perpetrators love to sit in their high places and throw down scriptures like stones. One of their favorites is John 8:7,

He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone

I have this response:

I am not without sin.
No human is without sin.
Does this mean that sexual predators,
defilers, deceivers, groomers,
abusers, enablers and defenders
should forever go unpunished?
It does not.

I am not without the stones
that have been laden upon me by others;
stones that my ex-husband
and so many other Mormon leaders
have given me,
then
told me to just put down, let go of,
walk away from and forget about.

Though I have tried for over 27 years to do as they’ve said,
I have only had short, limited, temporary success at it.
I realize that the parameters of this fallen earthly condition
do not at all guarantee a life without burden.
I understand that God has never said that anyone could expect
a life completely free of affliction and heartache.
Isaiah prophesied that the Messiah would be
“a man of sorrow, acquainted with grief”,
and Jesus was.
I do not expect to be greater than he.

However.

There is something about this concept
of criminal silence over injustice.
There is  something to this idea about
the word of the God of Heaven and Earth
never returning to him empty,
even if his only creations willing to fulfill his word
are considered to be a thing of naught

So if it appears that I am throwing stones at my former abusers
by speaking out,
it is only because these are the stones that belong to them.

Yes, it may seem insane to you
that I have carried the stones of my abusers
for decades,
even though the main thing their presence has caused me is
misery.

You cast more stones of judgment at me for this.
So I will tell you the truth as you pelt me.

I have carried these stones because they have not ceased their crying out.
What would happen to the witness of my story
if I set the record-keepers down?

I did not have the courage to speak,
so I have carried the stones
who have known the whole story;
the true story,
all along, all the time,
with me.

Today, we are speaking together.

Stones do not just disappear.
Nor can the call for justice
be silenced
until met by that for which it calls.

I want these stones tied back around the necks
of the men who originally tied them to mine.
That is where they belong,
even if these men still push them away;
still cry out,
“Stone I Will Not Carry You.”

The stones speak the lessons
meant for the men who threw them,
but because I have carried them instead,
I have learned the lessons of their witness.

Know that these stones will cry, and cry and cry until they are completely heard.

Know that the Stone of Isreal,
which I have also carried with them,
has heard our every word.

Stone of Israel, I Will Not Stop Carrying You
and therefore
Stones, I Cannot Stop Carrying You.

I cannot stop carrying you
until those who first cast the stones
soberly bear witness in unison with you;
not until they freely take your weight back unto themselves.

It is for them to silence those stones,
yet it can only be done
by the means of bearing the Stone of Israel.
Will they keep on crying,
“Stone, I will not carry you”?

The day awaits when,
having rejected their Cornerstone,
the Stone of Isreal
will not carry them
or their stones.

Those stones they cast
will be returned,
back, back, back
to the rightful necks of their creators
Though polished, somewhat,
from having served to smooth
the jewels of God that He has gathered.

Then the stones will finally rest
in silence,
justice paid,
upon the necks of those who will now learn
to carry you,
stones,
though everlastingly too late,
at the bottom
of the deep, dark and soundless sea.

 

 

 

 

“Many waters cannot quench love” and our God of Love is as much a God of Justice as he is a God of Mercy.

 

 

 

This is me, climbing up to Ringing Rocks, carrying the banner

 

The view of the setting sun to our left, as we made the final ascent on foot.

Posing at the landmark marker with my youngest boy

“But I loved my banner forty times better than my sword. And when I went against the enemy, I carried my banner myself, lest I kill any. I have never killed a man.” – Joan of Arc

Yes, I wore this shirt on purpose as a joke for those in the know. (It was my kind and supportive baby sister who surprised me by buying this t-shirt as a gift.)

Even the pendant I wore is a symbol with a story, and it has a twin. So I also climbed on behalf of and to honor it’s owner: Remember the Sheep Thief’s brand and the embellishing stitches sewn upon it by Hester Prynne. Remember Punchinello, Lucia and the dots that could not stick.

(Click on the hyperlinks to find my blog posts about the Sheep Thief and Hester Prynne, as well as Max Lucado’s children’s story, You Are Special, about Punchinello and Lucia.)

 

Take One of our video, where I almost fell when going to hammer the rocks, lol. The little crowd of strangers listening below must have gotten quite the kick out of that 🙂

[Video: Unfurling my banner on May 4, 2019 at Ringing Rocks, near Pipestone, Montana. I picked that day on purpose: May the Force of God and All Things Good be with this effort to Protect Every Child!]

 

And our hope of you is stedfast,
knowing, that as ye are partakers of the sufferings,
so shall ye be also of the consolation.

– 2 Corinthians 1:7

 

 

My consolation is my husband, Jeff, and the life he has given me. I know both are a gift from God. He is pictured here two of our boys

My husband and two of my children were able to make it to the top of the mountain of ringing rocks, where Jeff unfurled the banner. They were so high, it was difficult to get a good picture from down where I was with the little ones … but what’s important is that we did the climb, and we did it as a family. My family’s support of something so important to their Mom meant everything to me.

My husband, like Samwise for Frodo, finished bearing my heavy journey for me: Jeff carried the flag to the top. He took this picture of me and our youngest kids from where he was with the flag atop the Ringing Rocks.

Selfie taken at the top of Ringing Rocks by my son, daughter and husband. See Jeff’s sign-language “I love you”?

 

Katie, Jeff and Banner at the Ringing Rocks Entry

 

[VIDEO: Lyrics to “Speechless”, as sung by Naomi Scott.]

 

 

 

 

 

 

There are the rocks you carry,
and then,
there are the rocks you rest upon:

Q: What rock is the church built upon?
It is built upon God alone

 

Deuteronomy 31:8

 

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